colocasia.spmabogor.net

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.
“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a fiesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”
“And after that?” asked the Mexican.
“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”
“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.
“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.
“And after that?”
“Afterwards? Well my Friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!”
“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the Mexican.
“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

And the moral of this story is: ……… Know where you’re going in life… you may already be there….

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Selasa 27 Juli 2010
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=2548

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he aswered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear”
“Oh dear !” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But …. what happened to the other ear?”
Ah Beng answered : “That stupid dumbo called back!!!!”

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed!

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : “Do you have color TV?”
Salesgirl : “Yes!”
Ah Beng : “Give me a green one, please.”

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on “Salary Expected”, but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes “Yes”

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : “What is that shiny object?”
Salesgirl : “That is a thermos flask.”
Ah Beng : “What does it do ?”
Salesgirl : “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
Ah Beng : “I’ll buy it!”
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : “What is that shiny object?”
Ah Beng : “It’s a thermos flask.”
Boss : “What does it do?”
Ah Beng : “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold”
Boss : “What do you have in it?”
Ah Beng : “Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream.”

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.

Why can’t Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can’t find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the ‘Help’ command after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : “I press the ‘F1′ key for help lah, but it’s been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me ?!”

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: “COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND LAS VEGAS ?”
Operator: “JUST A MINUTE…”
Ah Beng : “THANK YOU” and puts down the phone….

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he’d been working on for quite some time,Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
“It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT”, Ah Beng brags.
“FIVE MONTHS? THAT’S TOO LONG,” the friend exclaims.
“YOU ARE A FOOL,” Ah Beng replies. “SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7
YRS”.

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng’s left tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE” and his companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.”
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, “AND YOU, SIR?”
Ah Beng replies : “Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED.”

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Selasa 27 Juli 2010
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=2547

Ahmed died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

As he had no family, they called up his two best friends, Ah Beng and Kumar. Ah Beng went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Ah Beng said, “Wah-lau-eh, he’s very barbecued like cha siu. But if you would roll him over, I will tell you if he’s my friend Ahmed or not.”
The mortician rolled the body over. Ah Beng looked at his ass and said, “Heng-ah! No-lah, dat not Ahmed.”

The mortician was puzzled how he was so sure but he didn’t say anything.

He went and got Kumar to check the body. Kumar looked closely and said, “Aiyoyo, it is true he’s burnt very bad, but I need you to roll him over and I can confirm if he’s my friend, Ahmed.”
Again the mortician rolled the body over. Kumar looked down at the ass and said, “Aiyoyo, oh no no, this is definitely not Ahmed.”

The mortician, unable to suppress his curiosity any longer, said, “Okay, you have to tell me now - how can you and Ah Beng tell for sure this is not Ahmed?”
Kumar said, “Well, this Ahmed, he had two assholes.”
“What?!!” the mortician said in disbelief, “He had two assholes?!!”
“Oh yeah, everyone in the neighbourhood knows this. Every time the three of us go out, people always say, “Here comes Ahmed with the two assholes.”

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Senin 15 des 2008
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=1628

Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and going to the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

“Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane……..”

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army…”

Message:
Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

Seperti diposting oleh saefoel pada Jumat 25 Jan 2008
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=51

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes’ walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t overdo. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17.. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please forward this to everyone you care about. I just did….

Seperti diposting oleh solihin pada Rabu 20 Jan 2010
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=2294

Publish by CropLife Asia

1. Pesticide is a broad term that defines all chemical substances used to control insects, diseases, weeds, fungi and other “pest” on plants, fruits, vegetables, animals and in building. Fungicides, herbicides, sanitizers, growth regulators, rodenticides, soil fumigants and insecticides are all pesticides.

2. Pesticides help safeguard public health by controlling or eliminating pests that can cause disease and property damage. They reduce waterborne and insect-transmitted diseases such as malaria, lyme disease and West Nile virus.

3. The safety pesticides for the customers, users and the environment is based upon comprehensive safety assessments and defined uses. Pesticide manufacturers take their products stewardship responsibilities, including end user training, extremely seriously.

4. Pesticides help farmers increase crop productivity by 20-50 % and are therefore a valuable and indispensable tool for the sustainable production of high quality food and fibers.

5. Pesticides have helped raise the standard of living and quality of life for farmers and their communities all over the world. Pesticides have removed the hardship of hand weeding, and given farmer families the choice to pursue education and opportunities away from farming.

6. Pesticides are essential for realizing the full economic benefits of modern farming. In the absence of pesticides, even the highest quality seed, fertilizer & irrigation sayastems will not deliver their potential productivity.

7. Pesticides enable farmers to produce more crops per unit area with less tillage, reducing deforestation and conserving natural resources, whilst reducing soil erosion. Pesticides are also critical for the control of invasive species and noxious weeds.

8. The cost of research, development and registration of a new pesticide is in the region of US$ 150-200 million. Only 1 in 20,000 chemicals make it from the laboratory to the farmer’s field.

9. Pesticide are among the most rigorously regulated chemicals in the world, and re-registration process ensure that their safety is regularly assessed based upon latest science.

10. Pesticides help ensure that consumers have access to food that safer, more nutritious, and affordable than ever before. Pesticides combat the spectra of global malnutrition and starvation and help low-income families in developed countries afford more fresh fruit and vegetables.

Seperti diposting oleh solihin pada Rabu 26 Nov 2008
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=1529

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool,” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…….”

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Selasa 27 Jan 2009
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=1704

Why is English so hard to learn?
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time topresent the present
8. I did not object to the object.
9. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
10.They were too close to the door to close it.
11.Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
12.How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
13.I shed my clothes in the shed.

Let’s face it - English is a ridiculous language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; neither apple nor pine in a pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which are neither bread nor sweet, but meat.
We take English for granted. Bu t if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that bakers bake, but grocers don’t groce? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you have to hit “START”.

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Senin 15 Des 2008
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=1627

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, “smack his ass again!” He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place…..

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Minggu 28 Sept 2008
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=1309

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn’t know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.”
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks.”
He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my vet don’t see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband ‘El-Cheap-O’, and my husband calls the vet ‘El-Charge-O’. They love to hate each other and constantly ’snipe’ at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD’s waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in; he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, “Your wife’s pussy doesn’t stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she’s pregnant. God only knows who the father is!” Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even.

Seperti diposting oleh masduki pada Minggu 14 Sep 2008
Tanggapan dan komentar selengkapnya dapat dilihat pada link berikut:
http://forum.spmabogor.net/viewtopic.php?t=1191